Recently, in my Confusion to Clarity Facebook group for covert psychological spousal abuse survivors, a woman posted, “Why did the narcissist cross the road…?” What followed was a fantastic thread of humor and truth. Here are some of the answers.

(Pro tip: If you are in the Finding Truth and Reality stage of your journey, you can use this post as a way to identify tactics 😊)

So why DID the narcissist cross the road?

He didn’t. You did!

It was a STREET, not a ROAD! Good grief woman, don’t you know anything?

To avoid celebrating our anniversary, my birthday, or anything meaningful.

Because someone asked him not to.

Because he thought he could get a more impressive selfie on that side.

Because he saw another woman over there that he might be able to con.

There was a sign on the other side that had "Center of the Universe" written on it.

He thought he’d look better on the other side.

Don't you know that all men cross the road? He doesn't understand why you are making a big deal out of it.

Because who's a narcissist? I'm certainly not a narcissist. YOU'RE the narcissist!

Look into your self, and see there is no road!

How dare you question his motives. What are you hiding?

Who said anything about a road?? I didn't see a road. I told you that you were crazy!!!

You crossed the road. Stop projecting onto me.

That wasn't him. You were just imagining things.

Because... wait......Why are you judging me?

Because no one can imagine how hard he has it on this side of the road. He was sure the other side of the road would be better. But he was wrong. The road is just out to get him no matter which side of it he’s on.

The road is supposed to be his anyway so why are you keeping it from him?

What’s wrong with you that you don’t want him all over the road? Most women would love for him to walk all over the road whenever and however he wants to.

Because he is very, very good, probably the best, at walking over roads ever.

Does it matter? Why are you on that side?

To fake being hit by a car so he could blame you and get everyone to agree with him.

Because his flying monkeys were there, propping up his lies and offering him empathy.

Why do you have to know why I crossed the road You don’t need to be in my business all the time!

What road? I never crossed any road.

I bet you think I’m going to the other side of the road to cheat on you- you always think the worst of me. Just because that’s why I’ve crossed the road before doesn’t mean that’s why I’m going over there now.

Why didn’t you chase him? You must be selfish and ungrateful for all he’s ever done for you.

Because I am the “abuser” and he needed to get away from me.

Because that’s where all his allies were...the pastor of our church, the lawyers, the therapist, the people at work, his family who called me bi polar...

Because he was trying to get out of paying child support.

To get to the new supply.

Because it was a boundary.

To catch a “free ride”

Because his wife said she thought it was best to stay on this side.

He didn’t. It’s not what it looks like.

Because it’s where he lives...8675309 My Rd., Delusional, ME 00001

He doesn’t know how he got on the other side.

Because he's a man and all men have needs, you know.

It's none of your business, it's his own problem and he's dealing with it. Stop controlling him!

Why do you always have to think the worst and act like he's the villain? He's your husband so you have to trust him. Period. It doesn't matter if crossing the road hurt you, just let it go!

Because you are stalking him and how dare you, control freak!

He crossed the road to help someone because others were watching.

You don’t need to know why I crossed the road! Why can’t you just trust me?! When are you ever going to forgive me?!

He didn’t and that picture you took for proof somehow makes it your fault.

He wouldn’t have crossed it if you weren’t blaming him for all his faults.

Because that’s just the way it is, and he deserves to cross the road if he wants to.

Wait, why are you wearing that jacket? Are you trying to attract other men?

Because he doesn’t understand why all the people are out to get him. All of them. He’s going to go walk over there to rise above and walk away from the drama.

He thought he heard someone say how wonderful he is.

He left his porn across the road.

Why are you asking questions? We don’t ask questions.

So he can blame you when shit goes south.

He saw his reflection in a puddle.

To gather information.

To harm you in some way that you’re completely unaware of.

There was therapist on the other side who would tell him it’s a mutual marriage problem and both people need to change.

He really needs you to tell him every time he starts to cross because he just doesn't realize when he is crossing. He's such a failure. It's all his fault. Everything in the world is all his fault. Everybody knows he's just a big fat failure and you would be better off if he just went out and got hit on the road.

To go do something his wife doesn’t want done as a selfless act of undying love.

To talk someone on the other side of the road into crossing to his side.

If that was really a road, and if I really did cross it, it was because you hurt me.

He didn't, he just made you believe that he did.

To prove he was more pious than you.

Because he had to go “get Gatorade” from the drug store but actually needed an excuse to get out of the house to go call the mistress.

He would give his life for you and he crossed the road to try to prove that.

To creep away from his deceit and lies in order to start all over again with new recruits.

Because there was a new type of recovery group/therapy he didn’t yet have punched on his Therapy Punchcard.

To avoid admitting he was wrong.

So he could blame you for being on the wrong side of the road.

What do you mean? He was always on the other side of the road. You just imagined it.

Why don't you trust him?

What are you talking about? You suffer from paranoia disorder.

You cross so many roads! Why were you crossing the road? You're lucky I even put up with you.

He was just joking about it. It doesn't mean anything to him and he said he's sorry so just let it go. Maybe someday he will be perfect like you are and never cross the road at all ever again.

He crossed the road? I bet he didn't use a crosswalk.

To prove you wrong.

Because he just resigned from his job as a CEO to avoid alimony and child support and is going to buy a new pick up truck.

Because the other side had a way to get around the Internet filters he wanted added to all his devices.

Because someone on the first side suggested he see a psychiatrist.

Because my therapist is on the other side and he wants to speak to her first.

How can he stop crossing the road when he doesn't even realize he's doing it? You are just too sensitive.

To run me over.

The road deserved to be crossed.

To get away from your “judgmental, overbearing questions and criticisms.”

Because he was just trying to do what made you happy and he thought you wanted him to cross the road, even though you had never mentioned the road. You are so ungrateful.

There was a stage, lights, cameras, and an audience on the other side.

Because he needs prayers for his unforgiving, spiritually weak wife.

Because he's fine the way he is, he can do what he wants, and you just expect too much and don't want him to have fun.

To avoid accountability.

Besides they were only friends.

If you weren’t the way you were, he wouldn’t have had to cross the road.

How could I have not followed him to the other side?!? Don’t I love him?!? How could I be so insensitive to his needs and feelings?!??

He would never, EVER cross the road. That’s just crazy talk!

To show the road who was boss!!

To show everyone that is was you all along that was the cause of everything bad in the world.

To post a picture of himself on Facebook having crossed the road to “escape you” so he could recruit flying monkeys.

He will cross it better that you could. You never did know how to cross a road.

Why didn’t you know he was going to cross? ... it was obvious.

Why don’t you want to cross with him?

Don’t tell me what to do! I make the decisions around here! Why can’t you be a REAL wife and encourage me in all my decisions!?

To avoid responsibility.

Because he says you wanted him to cross the road! He's trying to please you but you just "can't be pleased" and have such "high expectations."

None of this every happened.

He didn't want to, he had no choice, he was forced.

He has never left his side of the road and would never do that. People that leave their side of the road are absolutely beneath him and have no moral character (he yells at you from the other side of the road.)

He can't do anything right. You're so critical of him.

To tell me what’s wrong with me, including why I crossed the road.

What do you mean by crossing the road? Do you mean when he walked to the other side of the street?

He doesn't know why he can't even see the road until he's almost across it. It just won't work for him to put up a fence like other people, because he's not like other people. Can you please help him figure out why he's so different from all the people and fences won't work for him?

Maybe if you disciplined the children better and gave him more sex so he felt more relaxed he could stop crossing.

Because there was a sign that said “Don’t Cross Here.” (or “Stop,” or “Wrong Way.”)

To make sure it felt beneath him.

To blame you for making him cross the road.

Because narcissists are always cross.

Because the court order said he couldn’t, and he knew he could do it anyway without getting in trouble with the judge.

He had a revelation from God, showing him that he needed to make that crossing. It was a very grand dramatic, lights blazing experience!!

To serve at church, of course.

You know it's not safe to cross the road without me. God says you must always ask me when, where, and how to cross the road.

Do you really think that’s a road?

What? Is that a weird thing to do?

How ‘bout you worry about the beam in your own eye and stop worrying about the splinter in mine?!

Remember what YOU did last month, last year, 10 years ago? That’s what we really need to talk about.

Why do you always think I am seeing someone else?! You are always accusing me! You must be bi-polar.

Really? The road again? He already said he was sorry about roads he maybe did or didn’t cross.

You know, actually you’re right he might have a problem crossing roads and it won’t happen again. On second thought he will cross whatever road he feels like- and this road has always been there for him.

Don’t you have anything else to talk about besides roads, anything that he actually cares about? He’s done talking about the stupid road.

Oh, you wanted to know why he crossed the road? Why didn’t you just ask him?

Because I kicked him to the curb.

Because he was really just a chicken!