Here are many examples of the stupid, unhelpful, and even dangerous advice that the Christian church and culture gives to abused women.
If you hear this kind of advice, run the other direction, read my blog, and find help from someone who understands abuse!
Survivors answer these questions: How did you come to realize that your husband’s covert emotional and psychological abuse was intentional? Before this, did you believe he was unaware, wounded, or some other thing that made you give him the benefit of the doubt over and over? When you realized the abuse was intentional, how did this change things for you?
Read MoreI recently asked the beautiful survivors in my Confusion to Clarity FB Community “How did you come to know it was okay to divorce as a Christian?” “What helped you make the decision to divorce?”
I was surprised that all the answers I got were about how God guided them to divorce. Yes, God supports divorcing an abuser, and, yes, it’s Biblical to do so no matter what you’re being told by your pastor, elders, or others.
Read MoreSome of us get blamed for leaving our marriage, and some of us get blamed for staying so long “if it was that bad.” And most of us get blamed for both. We can’t win.
Instead of blaming the victim/survivor, we should be honoring the strength of all the women who have left against all odds, and the strength of those who are forced to stay until they can find a way out.
Read MoreHere’s the wisdom from many covert emotional and psychological abuse survivors about what they’d have done differently before marriage, during their marriage, and when they realized their husband was an abuser. I hope that every covertly abused woman who is reading these words can learn from what we’ve learned the hard way!
Read MoreHere’s the second installment in my Survivor Wisdom Series. Covert abuse survivors share their advice on what they wish they’d done differently during their separation, divorce, and when talking to family, friends and their church about the abuse. They also share what they wish they’d known about the Christian doctrines that kept them trapped in their marriages.
Read MoreI recently asked the women in my Confusion to Clarity Facebook Community this question: “When you were still hoping he’d change, how did you finally come to realize that he wasn’t going to change? What opened your eyes?” Here are their answers.
Read MoreHere are some tips by survivors about things to do to get clarity while you are waiting to see if your abusive husband is really going to change.
Read More“The man is the head of the household and your covering.” “You need to respect your husband no matter what.” “We are all sinners.” “He’s a Christian.”
Let’s look at the common teachings about husbands that create an atmosphere that promotes and justifies abuse.
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