Recommended Resources
These are the resources outside this website than can be very helpful in understanding and healing from covert abuse.
Books
Full disclosure: if you purchase any of these books within 24 hours of clicking the links below, I will receive a small fee from Amazon. Thank you if you do!
About covert abuse:
In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by Dr. George Simon. The first book I always recommend to someone trying to understand covert emotional and psychological abuse. It will explain your life to you.
Character Disturbance: The Phenomenon of Our Age by Dr. George Simon. A more technical book than the one above but fascinating.
Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Healing From Psychological Abuse by Shannon Thomas. Lots of examples of hidden abuse. Talks about stages of recovery.
How He Gets into Her Head: The Mind of the Male Intimate Abuser by Don Hennessey. He explains mind control very clearly even though his work is directed toward victims of physical violence in relationships.
Steps to Freedom: Escaping Intimate Control by Don Hennessey. He talks about the process a woman goes through to get free from the mind control her abuser has over her.
About abuse in general:
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. The classic book on domestic abuse.
Women Who Love Psychopaths by Sandra L. Brown. Based on her research she talks about our good “supertraits” that made us targets of abusers.
About boundaries:
Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. A good discussion of the concept of boundaries.
For women of faith:
Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery, and Desertion by Barbara Roberts. This book will help you know that divorce is what God wants for you when your abuser will not change. In the book she says women need the permission of elders in her church to divorce- SHE HAS SINCE CHANGED HER POSITION ON THIS and believes this is unnecessary.
The Equality Workbook: Freedom in Christ from the Oppression of Patriarchy by Helga and Bob Edwards. This will blow your mind, show you how the Bible has been mistranslated from an authoritarian point of view, and will show you how much God hates your suffering.
Untwisting the Scriptures That Were Used to Tie You Up, Gag You, and Tangle Your Mind by Rebecca Davis. She addresses the misinterpretation of scriptures that has accused us of being bitter, and of not having rights. She is a great thinker!
Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage by Natalie Hoffman. A book about verbal, emotional, and spiritual abuse in Christian marriages to help you clearly understand what’s going on.
Suffering and the Heart of God by Diane Langberg. A beautiful, gentle book about finding our compassionate Jesus in the middle of suffering. If you are struggling with doctrine that tells you that God caused your suffering or wants you to suffer, this a very healing book.
Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible by David Instone-Brewer. A study of what the Bible says about divorce.
Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships by Gretchen Baskerville. A healing book written for survivors of abuse that wil set you free from the fear that you can’t divorce from abuse.
The Rest of the Gospel: When the Partial Gospel Has Worn You Out by Dan Stone and Greg Smith. Having God's forgiveness is wonderful. Spending eternity with God is great. But for now, where is the abundant life Jesus promised? Why is the Christian life such a struggle? Because getting forgiven is only half of the gospel! The rest of the gospel is not us striving on our own to be good Christians, but Christ in us, living His life through us as we rest in him.
The Day I Met Jesus: Revealing Diaries of Five Women from the Gospels by Frank Viola and Mary DeMuth. A beautiful, easy read to expereince how Jesus truly felt about suffering women.
about trauma and healing
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk. This book explains how trauma affects the body and brain, why talk therapy doesn’t heal PTSD and therapies that do work based on his research in the field of neuroscience.
The Arise Healing Community– join other women of faith in their journey of healing from the trauma of spiritual abuse and emotional and psychological spousal abuse, and learn practical tools for healing
Blogs about abuse for women of faith:
A Cry for Justice– covers all forms of abuse and the lies we’ve been told by our Christian communities. Great place to renew your mind about what the Bible says about abuse.
Life-Saving Divorce- great info on divorce including an escape plan checklist
Here’s the Joy blog by Rebecca Davis– she untwists scriptures that have been misused to accuse and oppress the hurting.
Hurt By Love- great articles about divorce and remarriage and what the Bible really says, and lots of article about abuse.
RESOURCES FOR DIVORCE
Second Saturday offers free divorce workshops around the country.
Our Family Wizard can offer a neutral way to communicate about shared custody schedules, finances and more.
Lifeline offer a video series and worksheets to help you strategically analyze and develop action plans for many of the decisions women face when navigating family court. A small fee of $25 for a year’s access.
CYBERSTALKING
How to Deal With Cyberstalking
Just for Laughs
The Man Who Has It All– hilarious FB page about sexism.