“You have to forgive him because God forgave you.” “He said he was sorry.” “You need to forgive him and put the hurt behind you.” “You’re just being bitter.” “It’s a sin to be angry- you need to forgive.”

When we hear these accusations, we get incredibly confused and start condemning ourselves. We WANT to be Godly, to be forgiving, and to be loving. All too often, rather than supporting us, our advisors and friends create a landmine of accusation that adds to our betrayal and heaps condemnation on us.

Those who accuse us are asking to give up our own safety and sanity to be a “good Christian” because they don’t understand what forgiveness really means in the bible. So let’s look at what forgiveness means, and the lies we’ve been told about it.

“Your feelings lie to you.” “Just get on with your life.” “Just renew your mind.” “You don’t have enough faith.” “Rejoice in all things.” “God is all you need.”

When we are being covertly emotional and psychologically abused, our husband is creating an unpredictable environment for us, and inducing instability into our emotions and mind. We’re afraid of ourselves, full of self-doubt, afraid of the future, feeling guilty, berating ourselves for our “failures,” not trusting others, feeling alone and misunderstood. But none of this is sin. None of this is a character failing on our part. We’re the product of the abusive environment we are living in. Our feelings don’t originate in our sin. They originate in our husband’s sin against us. If you’ve been told you’re in sin, or you don’t have enough faith, when you’re having these feelings, that’s just another form of spiritual abuse.