There’s no doubt that communicating with a covert abuser is one of the most confusing things we deal with. All. Day. Long. I’m often asked, “How can I communicate with my narcissist husband?” To understand how, here’s what you need to understand about his goals in all conversations with you, and some guidelines and techniques to use.
Read MoreBoundaries are pretty much useless with abusers and they are not the “solution” that many advocates claim they are. We’re often told that boundaries are how to get our power back but, in fact, an abuser will use them to take our power away.
We all get the point where asking our husband or ex to do or not do something (ie. setting a boundary) just doesn’t work and they do whatever they want.
So what do we do?
Read MoreBeing married to an abuser destroys our inner world in ways that we don’t even recognize while we are in it. Our perceptions of reality are changed. Even our perception of our ability to heal is warped. How? Read on.
Read MoreOur stories as abused women are hero’s stories. They are stories that most people don’t want to hear or acknowledge, but that doesn’t change the reality of their truth, or of who we are.
Read More“I’m out so why aren’t I happy? I thought I would feel better by now.” “I feel like something must be wrong with me.” “I have such anxiety about making a decision, being alone, not trusting myself, missing out on life, parenting.”
These are the pain-filled things I hear survivors say so often. And the worst part is that underneath the pain is the fear that they’re doing something wrong that’s keeping them from healing. We do everything we know to heal; we pray, we try to change our false beliefs and thoughts, we even go to counseling. And we find some relief. But down deep we’re still struggling.
After many years of being blamed for my suffering, I came to understand that I could hardly expect the church to know how to heal abuse when they barely even acknowledge it. We need a path to healing and the level of help that’s equal to to the level of injury.
Read MoreAm I really being abused? Why do I keep wondering? Why do I constantly doubt myself? To make good choices for yourself and to fully heal from abuse, you need to understand what is happening in your mind and in your brain that causes your confusion.
Read MoreHave you ever wondered “Why did I attract / choose an abuser?” Have you wondered if you’re co-dependent? Have you been reading articles that encourage you to do deep soul-searching to find your part in being abused?
Ouch! Take a deep breath and read on because I want to set you free from that guilt and self-blame. You’ve had enough of it from your abuser (and probably from your church).
Read MoreYou were abused because you were targeted by a character disordered, skilled abuser who presented a false persona to fool you into trusting him. Everyone is vulnerable to covert abusers because they are experts at their game. How many people in your life believe your abuser’s a great guy? Probably almost all of them. Are they all co-dependent? I doubt it. Do they all have the traits that you blame yourself for having that “caused you to be abused”? I doubt that too.
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